I don't have anything to say that isn't like the person next to me. No claim to fame, no edgy writing to shock you out of your seat. But I, like you, have seen everyday mercies new. The whispers of my past are just like passing wind that blows through bare tree branches. It whistles for a time, and then is still.
This getting to know someone may take a lifetime.
I remember when we were dating and I said I wanted to get my master's degree. He asked why in the world I would want to do that, and it was like a little part of me died. The irony is that when we told this story this week, he confessed, "I'd NEVER say that to her now. I KNOW her." Is it possible, I wondered, to explain to someone who doesn't understand? Will he understand? How long will it take to make him understand how important this is to me?
|4 months after we were married|
He tells me I'm next. I think of my baby, my lack of time and of that girl riding in the car with him a few years ago trembling and wondering if she would ever feel herself or if she would be giving up all she ever was for the sake of a union that would seemingly take away the freedom she'd known. (She did feel herself after some counseling, and she didn't lose her freedom, only gained new responsibilities and more freedom.)
And you know what? She found that the greatest freedom was being known and loved. She found solace for those dreams that were accepted and not silenced. Conversations over meals with laughter. It took knowing and understanding. The answer was on the other side of two lives becoming one in two lives working together as one.
We quiet our souls. It is enough to sit quietly and to know in the still we are known and loved. Blow, winds of our past. It is enough to remember and then be still.