13 hours ago
Friday, October 5, 2012
Do You 'See' Me?
See me. I'm over there in the corner. I'm a visitor. I wish I wasn't one, but I am. This crowd, it makes me uncomfortable. I really want someone to see me, and be genuine. Talk to me, I'll listen. But yes, you have your friends. I've been away from the states for some time, and I've got to take action. "Welcome," I wish I felt it. I wish I felt like you are actually glad I'm here. But I'm on the outside looking in, and I'm not sure I want to be with the 'in' I see. So I leave, and vow that I will be the change.
I will be the person who invites you over to my house. I will be the one who sees you, yes you, in the corner with your eyes down. The shy one. The one who doesn't really want to carry on conversations for politeness sake, but for the sake of knowing, loving. I will reach out. I will give you a hug, and say, "Welcome!"
And when I do, I'm surprised to find that you like me, have a soul. You want to know, and be known. I find in the process of welcoming I am crazy, incredibly loved. In the process of welcoming, I am welcomed. Though this isn't my home, and I feel like a stranger trapped between two places I have lived in the last ten years, I know this isn't the final welcome. I won't step off the plane, and feel it home. I'll step off the plane, and have dreams of the other place while I'm present in this one. My heart longs for timelessness.