Wilted. The brown stems give way to leaves that are on the way out. Never mind that I haven't had time to water them. “I'm going to throw those out,” he says. And I nod my head. “Thanks.” I tell myself it is okay that I can't keep up with everything. Sometimes it is good to let go of the ideal that we expect ourselves to be, and be real. That may mean letting go of what you think you should be, and embracing what you are.
The garden this year ended up being a few raspberry bushes and four apple trees. He helped me choose this. He reminded me of how busy I'd be. Now that I struggle to get the sleep I need, feed my little one, and keep house I know. Some things can wait, and others cannot. So I let go of the garden. I have terrible allergies, and I'm not the greatest gardener. It was a task we did together, and that's what made it fun.
I throw together a meal, and we eat off our paper plates. The dishes, they wait for me. He washes silverware, and we throw paper plates in the trash. Baby cries a bit since he waits to be fed. Paper plates. One day we will remember this. We let go of the dishes to choose time spent in other ways. It won't be permanent. This is only a season.
The middle of the night a baby with hiccups beckons. My eyes droop heavily, and my body is tired and aching. What I'd give for a decent night of sleep again! But we made a choice. I let go of sleep to choose this. Motherhood. It won't be for forever, and we let go of sleep to hold unto this precious one. There are always trade-offs in life.
Are there any tasks you need to 'kill' to embrace what and who you are now? In what ways does your 'ideal' self compete with who you are now? Are you able to let go of that, and embrace who you are, not who you think you should be?